HAY

"they stayed away from me, you did not"

"you listened when no one ever wanted to, you were there

 i don't need to list down for all the things he has done for me. All the time he has given me even though i was only borrowing someone else’s. Liking him who already has someone is totally wrong and crazy. Even though this situation is insane, I just wish I want him to know how I feel. 

Whether he want to act on it or not, reason why I want to tell him, getting my feelings off of my chest will help me to move on.

It is perfectly okay and very reasonable, i think. (No jgn nak buat hal)

i miss having him around.

i miss all the conversations we had.

i miss our hanging spot.

i wish i could cry myself out while hugging him, i felt relieved.

most important, i miss him.

I know it is silly for saying all these. Maybe it is just a temporary feeling that I have for him.

Risking our friendship will be consequences of telling him my feelings,and I think it's risky. I would complicate things even more. 

It is very possible that he may hurt me in the end. I have think about the worst case scenario so that I’d be prepared and won’t be taken by surprise. If I do choose to tell him, I am proud for putting myself out there and telling him how I feel, it is what was best for me. Maybe in time, the feeling will fade away. Time will tell.

I don't expect him to leave his other half, and it is okay. After admitting my feelings, I’ll likely feel much more free to move on. If it is possible, I'd really like it if we could still be friends but I know that will never happen. We don't exactly have the reason to be contacting each other.. tak sama lah. takkan i nak jd the bad guy lagi kacau relationship org. stop lah azalea. 

I have thousands things to say to him and a thousands reasons not to. 
What will happen, I do not predict the future. I hope this decision that I made (??) is good for me. 

But i know. In the process. Or in the end. I WILL END UP HURT. You’ll never know. He doesnt give me a firm belief pun. Tahlah.  dont put your hopes to high laaa dear-self. so hey blog, i leave it here jelah. Sampai sini je okayyy i lepaskan. 🖤