"if he liked me why was he still planning on marrying other?"

"how can you marry someone when you like someone else?"

I feel so lost. My best friend is gonna be away, I can't think properly, eat, sleep, or function like the normal me.

We will have fights, we will have tough times, and we will go through frustrating experiences. I want to be someone who is understanding and can get through those difficult times. 

I wanted to improve my communication and connection. If something is my fault, I’ll accept and apologize. 

Sometimes, it can be hard to let go of my insecurities and trust anyone. I want to trust you. Trust with what you’re saying to me. Trust me with your problems. I’ll help you to solve it or listen to it. How can I understand you better if u don't let me in 😔

Keep your promises, and I will likely do the same.

I know that no one no wants to be with someone who constantly doubts and criticizes herself and others.

But I am trying.. maybe it is just timing. You didn’t get to see when I was at my best. before my family drama and all. Boleh sabar ke? I'm not all the time like this. I am at my lowest. 

This past 3 years have been an emotional ride for me. Still takpaham why my dad pergi tinggalkan kitorg dua kali. Tp I cant use this reason kan knp I'm like this? I thought you would understand. Trauma tau. I wanna be better. I wanna be the girl who I used to be with the help of my support system. And I wanna help org lain juga be better including you. 

The whole time I wanted to hold or kiss you. Tapiii.. takboleh, ada byk set back. I wanna Hold your hand & Tell you how much you mean to me.. how proud of I am for ur promotion at work. 

Hmmm. how do I know where do I stand in your life? I need assurance 🥺

I really appreciate for the major things you did for me like moments where you have been a huge support for me. Sbb tu bila I'm trembling down.. I needed you. you’re the one that I will look for. I told you that only youuu tahu my struggles. Why do u keep ulang2 I ada kawan2 lain pun I taktahu. It made me sad like you’re pushing me away. 😭 

The way you compliment me. The day I asked why you like me; masa tu pon dah fikir dah. tp nak buat mcm mana. two years ago & recently pon I asked jugak whats your plan tp the answer you asyik ulang “taknak kahwin dulu..nk kerja, nak ada asset apa semua” I respect that and made me ponder jugak. I thought I still have time lah kot but today proves me wrong. 

I tak saja saja tanya all that questions. bcs I wanna check where you at with your current relationship. 

But I reaaalllyyy appreciate every little thing you did for me 💝

During my breakdown, I did a reflection of myself. Everyone’s going to go through tough times, and needs a partner who can be there. I know you’re not looking for someone to make u more anxious and stressed out; because time tu lah u rimas & run. I wanna learn how to be calm and wise during difficult times.

I want my confidence back, I don’t wanna neglect myself,  taking care of myself is a priority.

I wanna get out from this toxic environment and I don’t know how to do that. I bkn nk lari dri responsibility. Tapi tengoklah. Mcm manaa. My mom pon kdg2 tu jerit ckp “pergi kahwin lah keluar dari sini sng” bila kitorg facing issues. I taktahu la. Bcs sometimes I’ll get upset when my mom is upset. My biggest triggers/stressors are my family.